free website hit counter Spiced Tea & Letters: Forgiveness

Friday, August 05, 2005


I practice forgiveness a lot. Like, I forgive the woman on my job. I was pissed off at her the other day, but I forgive her. Those guys in Cleveland that called me a Muslim b*tch, among other things, and assaulted me. I forgive all the folks around me who are way to arrogant for my taste. And, despite what many think, forgiveness is certainly not a weakness. I think sometimes to forgive is to be a bit selfish. Because when I forgive I am essentially trying to maintain my peace of mind. And, more importantly, when people get grimy, 99.999% it has nothing to do with you. If it wasn't you there at that moment, it would have been someone else receiving the bullsh*t. (Although many times it's not this black and white, not so random and impersonal. You reap what you sow. And, in other instances, people egg things on. Another story.)

Anyway, disrespect cannot be tolerated. Address it. Forgive the offender? Yes.

Of course, there are times when I don't forgive instantly. I'm mad for a few minutes. I gargle it, swish it around, but eventually spit it out.

I saw something sad yesterday morning that made me cry. I cried silently on the train. When I got up this Rasta man called me a crybaby. I won't go into all of the details of how I reacted to that, but I employed my colorful language and kept it moving. I could have ignored him. I should have ignored him. Didn't do that. I am sure if he ever sees me again he will try to do something to me cause I don't think that many has had the audacity to do what I did and said to him. He was wrongfully the recipient of my residual rage. I hope he forgives me. I forgive him for being a jackass...

After I forgive, I don't usually let it happen again. I know tons of folks who have done me wrong who have not dealt with their offense. I cut them off. They are too likely to act a fool again. Some former offenders are still in my life, but not in the same capacity. Unfortunately, too many folks are committed to their flaws. I wish self-reflection, personal growth held more weight.

Then there is my list of folks who are on the payment plan. It's hard forgive them right way, their offense was just that crazy. So, they are forgiven gradually. This list is a short list in every sense of the word.

Is there anyone/thing I will not forgive? Sure. But, I am working on that. Sometimes I feel disgusted to forgive certain things. But, sometimes I feel that I must. Conflict.


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